I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
third nipple confirmed
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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