That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
