Nicole vs. Life
are you so shy because you have an std?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
