He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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