That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just had sex bonerless
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Do you remember whose house we're in?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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