Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
