You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
