I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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