I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
