Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
