So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
