My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
