last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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