and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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