Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
