Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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