Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
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He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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