I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
