Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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