when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
