I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
