i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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