She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
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You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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