Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
