The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
