I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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