did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Still dying that you shit outside
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
