Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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