then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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