My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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