it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
