Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize