im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
