defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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