I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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