it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
