im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
