Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
