Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
