69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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