why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
