Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
