last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
