Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
