I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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