He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
