You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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