So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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