remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize