I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
