so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
