Just mADE A PArabola og urine
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
