She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
