Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
