I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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