he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
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Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We're too hungover to prance.
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I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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