im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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