so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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