At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
