I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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