I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
