are you still at the devil's house?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
