What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
did i walk over a car last night?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
