Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
