I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
