I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
