I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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