Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
